Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i would one night stand the shit outta him
where are you?
Hypothermia
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
