When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Everything about him screamed your future.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
