dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
