from now on my penis is your penis
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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