Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
