apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
