and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
