We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
