I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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