Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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