i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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