Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
