the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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