hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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