Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
