Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
