already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
