Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
