She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
