I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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