Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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