I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
