I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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