is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
