her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
