Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
