Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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