um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
