my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
