Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
