Cold hands, warm shart.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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