He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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