I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
