I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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