Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
