I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
