Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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