we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i've created a new STD.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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