I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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