WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
