I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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