her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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