The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
