Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
