im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
