Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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