so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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