just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
