OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
