Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
