i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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